What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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