JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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