I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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