Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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