mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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