Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
