Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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