Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
