i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
