A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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