My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
