At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
