So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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