I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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