I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
