Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
