Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
