What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
