You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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