Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
