it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
