College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize