I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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