ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize