You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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