Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
These tits shall not be calmed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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