Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
