Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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