I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
being pregnant is like rehab
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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