My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
