apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
