i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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