I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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