Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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