I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
