I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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