I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
