Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
