I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
