I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize