No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
