I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
