What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
