omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
