The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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