Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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