why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
