I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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