Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize