He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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