I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
