i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pappa wants mamma naked
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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