The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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