I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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