I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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