I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
