This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
