I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
