I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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