hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
