You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
