i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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