Sry I called you an 8
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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