haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
