before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
soo... how was my night?
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