I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize