I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think my moral compass just broke
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
