you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
