You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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