I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
