i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
