my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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