I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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