4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
