I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
