Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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