Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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