Who wears a wallet chain?!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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