yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
