need another drink. this is the easiest way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
