Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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