Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize