Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
