Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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