I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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