My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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