Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MIDGETS
????
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize