Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
