I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize