Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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