Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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