i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
