I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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