i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize