I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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