He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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