moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
