Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
