Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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