Having a random hookup so left but love u
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize