we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
