Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
