It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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