i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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