So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
