is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
