If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just cropdusted the office
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
